In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First you basics are able to see the essay, and directly after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered in addition to sentence into the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall assist you to understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language will become necessary for a Band 7
  • Ways to smoothly link ideas

In the present time, the populace of some countries includes a comparatively large numbers of young adults, compared to the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with additional people that are young old people. Even this fact could have both advantages and disadvantages, i think the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will talk about the pros and cons examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people could lead to a lack of professionals into the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this really is being why they usually have had more hours to review a career that is professional their lives. For instance, in order to become a professional physician it really is needed at least 10 years of university studies and also this may possibly not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a lot in life plus they may be more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This can make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher rate of crime, this could be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile indicated that in the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mostly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than within the north where almost all of the population where within their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations come in general more energetic and much more happy. This might be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to your workplace more and maintain them-self more active. Adding to the truth that healthy people could work more efficiently, with this specific they can subscribe to the economy regarding the country, earning profits in the place of spending. As an example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of cash in health for their old citizens. Another positive facet of having adult that is young is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than old visitors to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer all the players retires from their soccer-career once they turn thirty years of age. With old people there would be no right time and energy to start a sport career. And last but most certainly not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and in addition very likely to participate in them. Old people could be too tired to venture out.

To conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly think that some great benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. Despite the fact that, there are some positive facets of having an older population
that we must look into.

It is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both benefits and drawbacks, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your utilization of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Make an effort to vary your use of vocabulary whenever you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to deficiencies in professionals into the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to young one, this will be being why LR2 that is( they have had additional time to study a specialist career throughout their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , in order to become a specialist physician it really is needed at least ten years of university studies and this might not be able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and so they may become more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may assist to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have high rate of crime, this could be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that when you look at the south of Chile, where the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than within the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an example.
TR4 – Good to incorporate an illustration to guide your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have never yet had time and energy to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit regarding the informal side, but lovely natural usage of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to aid your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and more happy. This might be because (CC5) they will have less old age-associated illness leading them to focus more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, with this they could contribute to the economy of the country, earning profits instead of spending (GR4) . For example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of money in health for their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive facet of having adult that is young is that there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more time and more energy than
old people to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer all the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career if they turn thirty years old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time for you to start a sport career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This may be because they are more proactive in organize those activities and also prone to be involved in them. Old people can be too tired to venture out.

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